There are days that we wonder why we are doing what we do, and there are days that it just seems to be so incredible to be in the porition that you are in. However, today, it's more the former than the latter. I would say that today - I hate everyone and everything. Do I attribute this to PMS, or pay attention - that there is some message I need to pay attention to?
I have to say - I'm always wondering if I have taken a cop-out roll in music by choosing the church for regular employment. That my spiritual lives (and others as well) is compromised for me being a bit "irreverent??"
Life is weird and so often empty of the answers we are looking for. I keep coming back to the Thomas Merton prayer.
My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.
He talks about the dark walk of the soul - am I always in that dark walk?
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